Today I want to share a little love with people that feel DONE.
Done with parenting, friends, work, marriage, whatever it may be in your life.
Last week I sent a text out to some safe friends that looked a little something like this. I’ve edited it (slightly) to protect my sweet loved ones. But this is pretty close…
I’m sooooo over the difficulties of a son being handicapped.
Over the falls.
Over the noise.
Over the slowest “freaking” process we could ever be in.
Over the walks taking 5 times as long as it would with others.
Over the pee and the poop.
Over changing the bed 3 times a week because of the pee and the poop.
Over the stares.
Over people not having patience for my sweetie Ollie.
Over him wanting to do what everyone else is doing.
Over the extra trips.
Over the extra money.
Over the stress.
After sending the text, I sat on my couch and wept. And it felt SO GOOD.
I want to always be careful to share positively. I want to always share in a way that should Ollie ever be able to read and understand to this degree, he would never be embarassed or discouraged. And I always want to be honest. And so I say this carefully today.
I love my kids more than anything else in the whole world. As their mother, I daily die to my needs in support of theirs and I wouldn’t change that for the whole world. I LOVE being their mother.
But that day… I was OVER it. I didn’t know how I would change it, but I knew that the next day couldn’t be the same. It had to be easier. I was desperate for relief, because the emotional pain of raising a child with hearing loss or special needs is too much sometimes.
Thankfully, my friends responded with an openness to my pain and welcomed my feelings. They validated me even though they openly shared they didn’t know how I felt exactly.
Reflecting on that day I sit and think about all of my loved ones. Honestly, everyone’s life is too much sometimes. The pain is overwhelming. The struggle is real. Whether you have a special kiddo, are in a difficult marriage, or hate the job you spend more time at then you do at home, your pain is real.
So this is my encouragement to own it. Weep. Yell. Curse. Throw. Be overwhelmingly mad. Be overwhelmingly sad.
Hold onto that honesty, and move forward. Don’t forget. Don’t hold onto it with all of your might for forever. But hold it gingerly and carefully. Because you are holding a very precious person that deserves a lot of love.
The honesty will serve a purpose. The emotional expression will give you relief. And the next day, the sun will come up.
The day after my “Over It” day was no different than any other. I changed four poopy diapers between a 2 and 7 year old before 11am. It was a lot.
But after feeling love from friends that let me freak out without any judgement… some tears… and a good nights rest… the world looked different. It was hopeful, managable, and an ok place to be 🙂
Life is rocky at times. Like I mentioned before, it hurts. But the only thing more painful than that hurt, is stuffing that hurt down as if it doesn’t exist. Find it and acknowledge it. I promise you it’s worth it.
Fearing our own emotions holds us back from being free. Own them and release them and experience joy in the midst of suffering.
Hugs to you all today