I have been a grouch lately. Bah… A big grouch. And maybe you wouldn’t know it so much from what comes out of my mouth or what I say- but my heart and head have been a shit storm of yuck lately.
A few days ago I was helping Ollie go to the bathroom again…. (for those of you long time readers- you should be nodding right now…. “Yep- that makes sense- potty time always makes that lady grumpy.”)
Anyways… Ollie had been having trouble going all day so we were on “try” number 4 or 5 when I wanted to just curse outloud at how frustrated I was. We were at my best friend from high schools baby shower and I just wanted to be with her and her family! I wanted to play and have fun. Instead, I was constantly making the trek back up the hill and into the house to try to help him go potty. So much time is wasted in the bathroom!!!
Thankfully I didn’t start cursing at Ollie but in a TRUE form of prayer I remember going… “God- what the f&*$? What the f&*$ is happening right now? Why am I doing this again? When will he finally go to the bathroom? Who does number 2 work for anyway?! And when the f&*$ am I going to calm the f&*$ down?”
Now I know that’s not technically how we’re all taught to pray. But you know what? It’s how I talk right now- at least in honesty with friends. And in that moment I really felt like God was being the kindest friend to me by letting me air out my grievances without passing judgment and helping me love Ollie by not taking it out on him. I wasn’t really taking it out on God either. Just the whole situtation itself.
Am I the only crazy one here? 🙂
I sure hope not. But in the event that I am… it sure feels nice to be loved through my whole (sometimes disgusting) process of parenting imperfectly 🙂