At the beginning of Ollie’s life, I was a slave to his demanding schedule. We were in doctors appointments and therapy appointments more often than not. My oldest, almost 2 at the time was dragged around from spot to spot. We made it fun. But I remember being exhausted and a bit claustraphobic due to the high demands of raising Ollie. However, around 2 years old, we hit this stride and although we remained focused on raising him well, the doctors appointments let up and our schedule relaxed a little.
And that pattern continued. We had another kid… Two of our boys have been in school for 4 years now! Last year I remember sitting on the couch trying to recall what this strange feeling was. I was peaceful. I didn’t have to be anywhere. All of my kids were healthy and all of them were happy. They were all trekking along and developing. All of them were in a great school or for the toddler, life situation…. Then it dawned on me…. for the first time in 6 years, I wasn’t in crisis mode.
The funniest thing is, when I first realized it, it scared the crap out of me. What if I lost my edge?! What if a new diagnosis came and slapped me across the face? What if I was being peaceful, but something earth shattering was happening right under my nose?! The list was endless for all the reasons to “not enjoy” this new-found peace.
But after chatting about this dilemma with friends, I decided to enter in. I had more fun. I relaxed a little. The house was messier as the kids and I played. It was good. Life was so good. Even the hubby and I started getting along better than we ever had…. icing on the cake! Choosing to accept the “non-crisis” mode was wise and brought a freshness to life that I had yearned for for six long years.
But alas, it was not meant to be forever. I find myself currently in the middle of many old medical needs that have resurfaced. Ollie used to have appointments to care for his kidney health. When they said I could come back in two years, that felt like an eternity. And I accidentally made it one :/ Two years turned into five!
Thankfully, he’s “healthy” and happy. But I find myself submerged in doctors appointments again and my schedule is now devoted to him. I have hit REPEAT. Instead of dragging my oldest to the doctor, I now drag the youngest around with us. It’s a little bit like deja-vu’. The youngest is two years old, the same age that Taylor was when we did this whole rigamarole.
But I have to note that this time of full emersion in the medical world is a little different. Ollie’s being checked for seizures, his kidneys, blood pressure, leg braces, and undergoing therapy. The schedule is rough! I can’t honestly say it’s a crisis mode though. I’ve tasted the fruits of my labors. I’ve seen that it can be ok with hard work. I feel like I’ve submitted to this exhausting schedule. I won’t fight it. I’ll commit whole-heartedly with a hope that it might not always be like this. Although I sometimes worry that with age, comes cynicism… I am also living the reality that LOVE wins and life moves forward. Whether everyones alive or not, LOVE wins and life keeps going.
I’m tired and a bit overwhelmed. But the goodness of family, friends and love are more sustaining than I ever knew they could be. I’m feeling thankful today 🙂 So far we’re all here. And that feels good.
Enjoy your family today folks 🙂 Rest and have fun. Live and Love.